


We Come Undone

by Captain_Jade



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe - Dark, Angst, Brainwashing, Dark, Drama, F/F, Fluff, Foreshadowing, Gem Fusion, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery, Plot Twists, Rebellion, Science Fiction, Slow Build, Some Humor, Tags Are Hard, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Weird Plot Shit, probably idk, there's a lot of foreshadowing, you might be able to figure it out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:41:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25068568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Jade/pseuds/Captain_Jade
Summary: Peridot accidentally gets herself stuck in an alternate timeline in which Steven barely escaped Homeworld after he failed to reason with White Diamond. Pearl, Amethyst, Yellow, Blue, and Sapphire are still being mind-controlled, and the Crystal Gems now consist of Steven, Connie, Bismuth, Ruby, and Lapis. The alternate version of Peridot, however, has been presumed shattered. Nobody's seen her for over a year since she disappeared.Then the Peridot from our timeline shows up, and discovers that her alternate self left behind a plethora of bizarre coded messages that lead them to believe that maybe the other Peridot IS still alive...which is somehow connected with the machine that got Peridot stuck in this messed up timeline in the first place.
Relationships: Background Ruby/Sapphire, Lapis Lazuli & Ruby (Steven Universe), Lapis Lazuli & Steven Universe, Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe), Peridot & Steven Universe
Comments: 53
Kudos: 116





	1. Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> My writing in the first chapter is never very good so please stick with me...I promise this will get interesting.

"What the heck is all this junk doing here?” Lapis says, carefully stepping over the pile of ancient-looking devices which is currently in the middle of the floor.

“It’s not junk!” Peridot gasps. She crawls over from her position a few feet away messing with some sort of rectangular-shaped box full of wires and levers and buttons that Lapis couldn’t even begin to make any sense of. “This is all ancient gem tech from the Gem War. I mean, most of it is pretty primitive, but some of these things—” Peridot pauses to grab a tiny disc from the top. “Some of these things are really cool. I’ve never seen anything like it before, because they’re all prototypes for weapons and inventions that were never mass-produced.”

“Where’d you get all this stuff from?”

“Uh...that’s not important,” Peridot waves her hand dismissively and shows Lapis the disc. “Look at this. This was part of an elaborate apparatus designed to pull out items stored in a gem by force. Which isn’t that unusual—they have those on Homeworld, too. However, the ones on Homeworld right now do _not_ have the function to hook up to a computer and upload all of the victim’s memories onto it.”

“That’s...that’s kinda messed up.” Lapis tilts her head sideways as she examines the disk in Peridot’s hand. “What are _you_ planning on doing with it?”

“Well, I have all the blueprints for this stuff, and I was just wondering-”

“Wait, you’re not gonna try to rebuild this all, are you?” Lapis glares at Peridot, who rolls her eyes.

“It’s fine. I’ll be careful. It’s not like I’m going to actually _use_ them. Most of them. I mean, I won’t use any of the deadly ones or anything. You trust me, right?”

“I mean, yeah, of course, but I just...I just think that you and I have very different ideas of what being careful means,” Lapis mutters. She sits down next to Peridot. “I just don’t wanna lose you, okay?”

“I know, I know,” Peridot says. “I wouldn’t want to lose me either.”

Lapis grins and shakes her head. “Okay. You promise you’re not gonna try to use any of this stuff? You won’t be too tempted with all of these ‘really cool things’ you’re going to rebuild?”

“I promise,” Peridot says earnestly. “I won’t blow myself up.”

“Good,” Lapis pulls Peridot into a hug, which catches Peridot off guard. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“For starters, you’d probably be really bored.”

“True. But I also wouldn’t have to constantly worry that you’re going to get yourself shattered with all the crazy stuff you do.”

“But you’d miss me,” Peridot points out, wiggling out of Lapis’ arms.

“I would. I would miss you a lot.” Lapis ruffles Peridot’s hair (much to Peridot’s annoyance) and hops to her feet. “Alright. I just stopped by to make sure you were doing alright; I still have some work to do. I promise we’re still gonna watch the season finale special of CPH season 7, tonight, though! See you soon!”

“Bye!”

Lapis takes off, and Peridot refocuses her attention on her current project, which she’s been working on for the past 5 hours or so.

This is the one had never been finished in the first place. And for good reason, too...it probably had the most twisted backstory out of everything else in the pile. It was an experiment to see if alternate timelines could be accessed through the use of ground up gem shards of shattered rebel sapphires.

Which had almost made Peridot throw up when she read that that’s what this shiny blue powder in the power tubes was. It was absolutely horrific. She had known that the Gem War had a secret history of extremely dangerous and unethical experiments done on rebel gems, but this was a whole other level that she never could have imagined.

That _probably_ should have been her first clue that it was not a good idea to see if she could get this thing working. 

Despite the fact that it was powered by gem shards, it was...intriguing.

Besides, gemstone pieces that small don’t have any sentience left in them. They’re not Sapphires _anymore_. It’s not like the Cluster, which in perspective is much more barbaric than this.

Once she got over the initial shock of the whole grounded gemstone power source thing, Peridot realized that the project was scrapped in the final stages in its development. That meant it was really close to being finished.

She had to replace some parts that were unsalvageable and corroded, but frankly she was surprised that they had just abruptly stopped after being so close to a breakthrough. This was _crazy_. Being able to access alternate timelines? She supposed that in the middle of a war they probably didn’t have a lot of reasons to be accessing alternate timelines, but why get so close to finishing it and then abandon it?

Yes, this part was tricky, but it had only taken Peridot a little over five hours to figure out what to do.

Now all she had to do was reassemble the top part and test it.

“Wait, wait, wait, no, I can’t do that,” Peridot muttered to herself. “I literally just promised Lapis that I wouldn’t do that.” She stared at the device on the coffee table for three minutes straight. “But, like, this won’t make me blow up or anything. It’s not like it was meant for torture. I could just…I could just check one of the alternate timelines really quick and then come back. Lapis would never find out.”

She stared at it for another three minutes. “Yeah. She’ll never know. Just...really quick.”

She flips a switch and hits the button, watches the faint blue glow of the sapphire shards under the cover.

It feels like somebody is trying to rip her gem out of her forehead. Peridot’s hands fly up to cover her gem protectively, and she watches as reality fades away into a burst of white and blue. Then she passes out.

* * *

Peridot wakes up with a splitting headache and an incessant feeling of dizziness. She opens her eyes, but then immediately has to close them again. Everything is spinning. She lies there for a few minutes until she no longer feels dizzy to the point of nausea. Then she slowly opens her eyes.

Judging by the fact that it looks like the middle of the night, Peridot has probably already been gone for a lot longer than she initially intended.

She groans, sitting up and snapping a hand up to her forehead to touch her gem, which feels like someone _had_ ripped it out of her forehead, shoved it back before she poofed, and then destabilized her.

It takes her a second to realize that she’s in the middle of nowhere.

Well, not quite nowhere. She knows where she is—this was where Little Homeworld is in her timeline. Except in this one, there is no Little Homeworld. She’s sitting in the middle of an empty plain.

It takes her a few more seconds to realize, to her absolute horror, that the Timeline Hopper is not with her.

She jumps to her feet (which turns out to be a big mistake, as her knees buckle under her and she falls over again) and places a hand on either side of her head. “Okay, okay, okay. I’m fine. I’m _not_ stuck here. I just have to find the Timeline Hopper in _this_ timeline and finish it so I can get back home. Piece of cake. I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine. I’m _fine_.” She hits herself in the gem with the heel of her palm, as if hitting her already excruciatingly painful gemstone is going to convince her that nothing’s wrong.

It’s at least fifteen minutes before she feels like she can walk. Not very _well_ , mind you, but she is able to walk, even if she does end up stumbling every few feet and looking, put bluntly, like she’s drunk. Which isn’t too unreasonable of a conclusion to draw, because Peridot _feels_ rather drunk as well.

It’s quiet. Eerily so.

The sounds of the crickets that usually fill the quiet night air are strangely absent, as is the wind. It’s as if everything is standing very, very still, holding its breath, waiting for something terrible to happen at any moment.

Peridot shivers despite it being rather hot and humid. A feeling of uneasiness makes itself known in her stomach, and a wave of nausea washes over her; she stops and dry heaves a few times before she’s able to continue.

Steven’s house seems like it’s a lot farther away than she remembers it being, but when she finally gets there, she notices two things.

First of all, the barn is still on the beach from when Lapis dropped it on Blue Diamond over two years ago. And secondly, it doesn’t look like anybody’s home.

In fact, it doesn’t look like anybody’s been home for a _very_ long time.

Steven’s house is a disaster. There are shingles missing, the glass on the windows has been broken, the temple has several fingers missing on the hand holding the laundry machine, and there’s no door.

“Am I allowed to panic now?” she murmurs to herself. Where _is_ everybody? She hasn’t even seen any animals so far. Is the Earth still inhabited in this timeline?

Not two seconds after this thought comes into her head, Peridot hears a loud thud and a familiar voice behind her.

“P-Peridot?”

“Bismuth!” Peridot whirls around to face Bismuth. “Thank the stars you’re here. Where is everybody? What happened? Why is the barn still on the beach? Why does Steven’s house look abandoned? What happened to all the crickets?”

Bismuth simply stares at her. “Peridot?” she repeats, the same incredulous expression on her face. “You’re alive?”

“Alive? Of course I’m alive, why wouldn’t I...are you okay? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

Bismuth’s jaw drops open. “I have,” she says tearfully. “Oh my _stars_ , Peri. Where the hell have you been?” Bismuth sweeps Peridot off her feet and nearly poofs her because of the force of her hug.

“Wait, wait, wait, put me down, let me explain.”

“You _better_ explain.” Bismuth’s tone turns cold as she carefully sets Peridot back on the ground.

“Bismuth, I’m not your Peridot.”

Bismuth’s face falls. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Peridot bites her lip. “Look, I don’t know what happened here, but I’m not from this timeline. I came here from somewhere...very different. I have no idea what’s going on. And I’m stuck here, so I need to find the Timeline Hopper from _this_ timeline to get back to my own.”

Bismuth stares at her for a few moments before falling to her knees. “Oh.”

Peridot takes a step backwards. “What _happened_ here?”

“Now isn’t that the million dollar question.” Bismuth chuckles harshly, swiftly wiping away a stray tear that rolls down her cheek. “Damn. I really thought we had you back. This is just…” she pauses, her shoulders drooping, and places her face in her hands. “...typical. Of course you’re not her...she’s probably...I mean, the soldiers probably…there’s no way…”

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about,” Peridot squeaks.

Bismuth looks up at Peridot darkly. “I’ll have to just show you, then. Come with me.”

She wordlessly gets up and grabs the axe that she dropped on the beach, turning around and walking off into Beach City, which looks every bit as a ghost town as Steven’s house.

Literally nobody is here. The town looks like a tornado went through it. Peridot swallows. Why couldn’t she have just listened to Lapis?

Bismuth leads her to the Donut Shop, which has a dark grey tarp in place of a door which they duck under. Behind the counter, there’s a trap door which leads to a ladder. They climb down. “Just a forewarning,” Bismuth places a hand on Peridot’s shoulder. “You’re going to get some pretty intense reactions. The you from this timeline has been missing for over a year. We all took it pretty hard.” Peridot nods, still very confused and disoriented.

“I’m back,” Bismuth calls. A light switches on.

Peridot barely has time to register the fact that Steven has an eye-patch and Connie has a mechanical arm before an ear-piercing shriek cuts through the silence and Lapis launches herself at her and tackles her into the wall so hard it literally leaves a dent.

“ _Oh my stars_ ,” Lapis breathes, cupping Peridot’s face in her hands and fiercely pressing their lips together.

“Wait,” Peridot gasps, pulling away from Lapis only to be bombarded with more kisses, all over her face, which probably would have been really embarrassing if she didn’t have much more important things to worry about. _‘Help me,’_ she mouths at Bismuth.

Bismuth shakes her head. “No,” she says sharply. “Let her have this.”


	2. The Story So Far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bismuth and Steven explain what went wrong in their timeline and what happened a week before the other Peridot disappeared.

“Let’s give them their privacy. I’ll explain,” Bismuth says softly, ushering Steven, Connie, and Ruby out of the hallway.

Lapis goes back to kissing Peridot on the lips, sobbing as she does so, making it a very messy, salt-flavored, and frantic kiss. Not to mention unexpected.

_ This is, um...this probably the one thing in this timeline that’s better than mine _ , Peridot thinks, dazed. She really shouldn’t be enjoying this as much as she does.  _ Remember, this is not your Lapis _ , she tells herself, but all coherent thoughts go out the window when she feels Lapis slip her tongue into her mouth. Peridot finally relaxes in Lapis’ arms, practically melting and forgetting for a moment where she is.

Lapis places one hand on Peridot’s back and pulls her in even closer than she already is. Peridot squeaks and moves to rest her hands on Lapis’ waist. She really hopes that’s where she’s supposed to put them. That’s what they do on Camp Pining Hearts. She doesn’t really know, though. She’s never kissed anyone before, certainly not like this.

Suddenly Lapis pulls away with an unreadable expression on her face. “Something’s wrong,” she says flatly.

“What?”

“Maybe you’re just out of practice or something.” Lapis shrugs nonchalantly, pretending like she wasn’t just sobbing moments ago. “I don’t know. You’re usually a much better kisser than that.”

Peridot blushes. “Oh. Was I really that bad?”

“No, no, no!” Lapis jumps forward again and hugs her tightly. “It’s okay. I don’t care about that. I’m just relieved you’re  _ alive _ . I’m so happy you’re back home and you’re safe, I thought for  _ sure _ the soldiers got you. We all thought you were shattered. Oh my  _ stars _ , what happened? Where the hell have you  _ been _ ?”

“Um.” Peridot gulps. “Oh. Well, about that…” she squirms out of Lapis’ arms. Lapis looks rather distraught about that, so without thinking she reaches out and grabs her hand, which seems to calm Lapis down a little.

“What is it? Are you okay?” Lapis looks at her with wide eyes.

“I’m...I’m not...I don’t…” Peridot bites her lip and gently pulls her hand away from Lapis. “I have no idea what’s going on,” she blurts out. “Well...well, actually, I know what’s going on better than you do, so I should probably explain.”

“Please do.” Lapis blinks, a blank expression on her face.

“I’m not from this timeline.” Peridot pauses, waiting for a reaction, but Lapis doesn’t respond, so she continues. “I...this timeline is, um...well, I mean, in mine, we’re not...we’re not in hiding or anything. I don’t have any idea what happened here, but where I’m from, all the corrupted gems were healed and most of them now live in Little Homeworld, which is like, a town that me, you, and Bismuth designed and helped build. And Beach City isn’t destroyed. And there are still crickets. I...something went wrong in this timeline. This is not what it’s like in mine..”

“‘Something,’” Lapis scoffs. She pulls her knees to her chest and looks away. “More like everything. I knew this was too good to be true.”

Peridot looks down at her lap. “I’m sorry.”

“Well, I guess it’s not really your fault.”

“I just-” Peridot breaks off when Steven enters the hallway again and kneels down next to them.

“Hey.” He looks at Peridot sadly. There are tears glistening in his eyes. Correction—one eye. The other one has an eyepatch over it, and Peridot can see the bottom of a scar streaking halfway down his cheek. Steven pulls her into a gentle hug. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not really you, but…I just…I can’t help it. Our Peridot has been gone for over a year.”

“What happened to her?” As soon as Peridot asks that question, Steven tenses up and lets go of her.

“We don’t know,” he says. He looks away, wipes his nose on the sleeve of his jacket, and offers no explanation.

“She’s dead,” Lapis says bluntly.

“Don’t say that,” Steven hisses. “You don’t know that. She could still be out there.”

“Literally nothing good has happened in the last two years. We’re not gonna find her.”

It’s a bit of a surreal experience, watching your two closest friends argue about whether you’re dead or not right in front of you. Peridot is starting to  _ really _ regret not listening to Lapis about using the ancient gem war tech.

“Whatever,” Lapis huffs. She gets up and storms down the hall.

Steven sighs. “I’m sorry about her,” he says.

“It’s fine,” Peridot whispers. Steven gives her hand a quick squeeze and stands up. “Come on, let’s go talk to the others. We’ll see what we can do to help you get back to your own timeline.”

“It shouldn’t be too hard,” Peridot chirped, “I just need to find the Timeline Hopper. The one in my universe didn’t take me too long to finish since it was already mostly done. It was with a bunch of old gem tech me and Amethyst fou-” she stops abruptly when Steven seems to freeze up at the sound of Amethyst’s name.

“You got Amethyst back?” he whispers.

“Back from where?”

“From White Diamond! How did you break the mind control?”

“Um, I…”

Steven blinks and shakes his head. “Never mind. We can talk about that later. You’re probably already overwhelmed as it is.”

Absentmindedly, Peridot touches her lips lightly, remembering the way Lapis’ lips had felt on them. It hadn’t been like what she had imagined it would be like. Then again, that might have had more to do with the fact that Lapis had been sobbing because she thought that she was the other Peridot, who apparently nobody had seen for over a year. If you weren’t taking that into account, though, it had been kind of nice.

Except for the fact that apparently the other her was a much better kisser. Peridot felt a strange pang of jealousy towards herself, which was a pretty strange experience. Sure, the other her lived in what looked to be a post-apocalyptic, worst-case-scenario future where they had to live in hiding all the time, but she also had apparently gotten to kiss Lapis on a regular basis.

Steven’s hand touches the doorknob, but before he opens the door, Ruby kicks it open, hitting Steven in the face. “Sorry,” she mutters, in a voice that doesn’t sound particularly remorseful. “I’m going to bed.”

Steven sighs, rubbing his forehead. “Goodnight, Ruby,” he says tiredly.

“‘Night.”

Peridot looks at Steven inquisitively. “Why isn’t she fused with Sapphire?”

“You got Sapphire back, too?”

“I…”

“Never mind.” They step into the room Ruby just came out of, which is a small room with a table and a few cabinets with overflowing drawers against the wall. There’s also a coffee pot on the counter and what looks to be a lifetime supply of coffee grounds and disposable travel mugs.

Connie looks up from her spot on the table, a wary expression on her face. “Hi, Peridot,” she says.

“Hi,” Peridot replies in a tiny voice. Steven leads her to the table and they both sit down across from Bismuth and Connie. None of them say anything for a few minutes. “So...is anybody gonna explain to me what the heck is going on here?” Peridot asks finally.

“That’s kind of a long story,” Bismuth chuckles. “We can try, though. Man, you’re lucky I found you when I did or else you’d probably be shattered by now.”

“Why?”

“After we escaped Homeworld, White Diamond sent a bunch of soldiers to Earth to find us and shatter us. That’s why we’re in hiding.”

“So you’ve all just been hiding for two years?”

“Not the whole time. Spectrolite designed a machine that could disrupt the mind-control, but-”

“Wait, who’s Spectrolite?”

Everyone stares at her. “What do you mean, ‘who’s Specrolite’?” Bismuth scoffs. “Have you not fused with Lapis in your timeline?”

Peridot gasps and falls out of her chair, which earns her some pretty weird looks from everyone else. “Wait, WHAT?!” She exclaims from the ground.

“You haven’t?” Connie asks, visibly confused. “Why not?”

“It never...it never really came up.” Peridot climbs back onto the chair. “I mean, I’ve thought about it, sure, but I would never...I mean, with Malachite and everything, I didn’t think Lapis would ever  _ want _ to fuse. I don’t think my Lapis would, at least.”

“So you never even talked to her about it?” Steven looks confused as well.

“No…” Peridot shrinks in her seat, not enjoying the incredulous looks everyone’s giving her.

“But why-”

“In my timeline, I’ve never even kissed Lapis, okay?” Peridot blurts out. Steven’s jaw drops open. Peridot’s cheeks flush several shades darker, and she sinks even further down in her seat.

“What? How have you never even-”

“This conversation is making me feel very uncomfortable, Steven,” Peridot snaps. “Can we get back to the important thing we were talking about?”

“R-Right.” Bismuth nods. “Okay. So, Spectrolite designed a machine that could disrupt White Diamond’s mind control. We only managed to free Garnet before White Diamond smashed it. Garnet unfused, and while Ruby and Sapphire were free of the mind control, we got Ruby, but White Diamond took control of Sapphire before we could rescue her. Then she captured you. We don’t know why she didn’t just mind-control you, too, but she tortured you and we hid there where the Off-Colors used to live for a few days before we were able to break you out. Then we went back to Earth. And after that, you started acting...really weird.”

Steven shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “Yeah. You would...you would mutter things under your breath. You didn’t really talk to anyone a whole lot. You kept taking stuff apart and putting it back together all wrong, and sometimes you forgot who we were. I’m sure it had something to do with the torture back on Homeworld, but we couldn’t get a word out of you about what happened. Then one day you just disappeared. We looked for you  _ everywhere _ , for  _ months _ , but we didn’t even find any clues as to where you might have gone. You just...vanished.”

“Oh.”

“What probably happened is you were so disoriented and spacey you forgot where you were, so you wandered out of the base and got shattered by a soldier,” Bismuth supplies. Steven slams his hands down on the table, startling Peridot.

“She wasn’t shattered. If she was shattered, why didn’t we find any gem shards?” he demands.

“Steven, calm down,” Connie says softly, reaching across the table to take his hands in hers. “Of course she could still be out there. We don’t know.”

“ _ I _ know,” Steven says through his teeth. “I know she’s not dead. She can’t be.”

Connie smiles sadly at him. “I think we should go to bed. It’s getting really late.”

“...okay,” Steven agrees after a moment. “Where’s Peridot gonna sleep?”

“In the other Peridot’s old bedroom?” Connie suggests.

“ _ No _ .” Lapis appears in the doorway, a dark expression on her face. “Nobody’s allowed to go in there. She can sleep in my room with me.”

“Uhh...okay?” Peridot blinks. “I don’t need to sleep, though.”

“Oh, I guess you don’t,” Steven says. “I kind of forgot that it was optional.”

Peridot looks back at Lapis, who looks slightly disappointed. “No, no, it’s okay. I am kind of tired. It’s...been a long day.”

Lapis takes her hand, much to Peridot’s surprise, and they walk down the hall together into the room at the end.

“Where do you...where do you want me to sleep?”

“In the bed?” Lapis says, looking at her weirdly. “Where else would you sleep?”

“Oh. I...I don’t know, I just...are you also going to sleep in the bed?”

“Duh,” Lapis rolls her eyes and gets under the covers. Awkwardly, Peridot follows suit and lays down next to her.

After a few moments, Lapis lays her arm across Peridot’s chest and rests her head on her shoulder, which catches Peridot off guard and causes her to stiffen. Lapis plants a kiss on her cheek and whispers, “‘Night, Peri.”

And as great as this is, Peridot can’t help but feel a little uncomfortable. This is not her Lapis. This is a stranger. Who is obviously pretending that she’s  _ her _ Peridot. “Goodnight,” she says back. She takes off her visor and puts it on the nightstand and stares at the ceiling for almost two hours before she’s finally able to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will be every Wednesday. I'm currently done with chapter 3 and half of chapter 4; my goal is going to be to write two chapters and post one every week so I don't get behind. I know it's kind of slow right now, but I promise the pace is gonna really pick up in chapter four.


	3. The Lotus Graveyard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we get to see how things are going back in Peridot's timeline, Ruby is jealous of Lapis, and Peridot and Steven look for the Timeline Hopper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to post this chapter tomorrow, but I was impatient and did it today instead.

“Lapis, calm down.”

“I AM CALM!”

“Will you at least stop pacing? I think you’re going to wear a hole in the floor.”

Lapis chooses to ignore this. “She  _ promised _ me she wouldn’t use any of that stuff on herself! That didn’t even last  _ two freaking hours _ ! Ooh, I am going to  _ kill _ her when we find her. That is, if she’s not already  _ dead _ ! Oh my stars, Steven, what if she’s dead?!”

“I’m sure she’s not dead. Peridot is perfectly capable of taking care of herself.”

“ _ NO SHE’S NOT _ ! SHE’S GOING TO GET  _ SHATTERED _ IF I’M NOT THERE TO PROTECT HER!”

“Lapis,  _ calm down _ . Peridot has survived on her own before you were there to protect her. She’s not as helpless as you pretend she is.”

Lapis doesn’t seem to be able to come up with a rebuttal to that, so she huffs and sits down next to Steven on the couch, arms crossed in front of her chest angrily. Steven puts a hand on her arm. “She’s gonna be okay. I promise we’re gonna find her.”

Lapis huffs again and rests her head on Steven’s shoulder. “We better,” she mutters.

They both jump when Amethyst suddenly kicks the door open. “Yo, I figured out what that thing is,” she says, an edge of panic in her voice although she’s trying to sound calm.

“What is it?”

“Uhh...it’s this thing that messes with the space-time continuum and can teleport people to other versions of their reality. She...she’s in another timeline. Probably. I dunno.”

Lapis feels like she’s just been punched in the stomach. “She...she’s WHAT?” She scrambles to her feet and forcefully places her hands on Amethyst’s shoulders. “How do we get her back?!”

“Well, I don’t know! I don’t know how any of that stuff works, I just found it in a random garden somewhere on the outskirts Beach City in a box that said ‘do not open’, so I asked Peridot if she knew what any of it was, and-”

“Why would you open it if it said not to open it?!”

“Um, have you  _ met _ me?” Amethyst exclaims. “Anyway, I know this kinda sucks, but if Peri figured out how to get that junk working, I’m sure she can find a way to get back. She’ll be fine.”

“So what are we supposed to do, just stand around and wait for her to come back?!” Lapis demands.

“I don’t think there’s anything else we  _ can _ do,” Steven says gently.

Lapis storms off, pushing Amethyst out of the way so she can get to the door.

“Well, she took that better than I thought she would,” Amethyst remarks, shrugging.

* * *

Ruby hadn’t been able to fall asleep. She doesn’t sleep that much as it is, unlike Lapis and Bismuth, who sleep every night, mostly because they have nothing better to do. Which makes sense, of course—they’re in hiding. There isn’t much they  _ can _ do. The days seem to blend into each other because they spend so much time underground hiding from soldiers.

But Ruby has only slept maybe 5 times since she got back to Earth from Homeworld. She doesn’t like it very much.

Correction—she doesn’t like it  _ without Sapphire _ . Sometimes, before the Diamonds attacked, Garnet would split up at night so that Ruby and Sapphire could cuddle and sleep together.  _ That _ she liked. She liked being able to feel Sapphire in her arms, knowing that she was there, knowing that everything would always be okay as long as they were together.

But now, for the first time in 5,750 years, they’re  _ not _ together.

Ruby wraps her arms around herself, subtly rocking back and forth while sitting on the bed she never uses. It’s been over a year, and it still hasn’t gotten any easier.

Well, okay, that’s an exaggeration. It has gotten a  _ little _ easier. The first few weeks, practically all she could do was cry. She didn’t care that Peridot was gone. She didn’t care that the others needed her help to look for her. It wasn’t  _ fair _ . She just wanted Sapphire back. That was all.

Then she realized that Lapis wasn’t much better off than her. Ruby could hear her across the hall at night, crying for hours on end.

One night, she found herself in Lapis’ room, sitting next to her on the floor, holding her hand and telling her she knew how she felt. How it was like half of you had been torn away. How it felt like you could never be you again without her. Lapis had sobbed into her shoulder and told her that they would do whatever they could to get Sapphire back.

She and Lapis became friends after that.

They spent a lot of time just talking about Peridot and Sapphire, how much they missed them, and what they’d do once they got them back.

_ If _ they got them back—and as time went on that seemed less and less likely.

Then Peridot showed up out of nowhere.

No, it wasn’t  _ their _ Peridot. But it was still Peridot. And...it wasn’t  _ fair _ .

Why couldn’t it have been  _ Sapphire _ from an alternate universe? Why did  _ Lapis _ get a reunion?

Ruby is angry.

That alone isn’t unusual. This past year, she has felt enraged, distraught, confused, heartbroken, and utterly and completely hopeless. What she hasn’t felt is jealous.

But right now, she certainly is.

* * *

Peridot wakes up with Lapis still draped over her, their faces so close together Peridot can feel her breath on her cheek with each quiet snore.

...that part bothers her. Her Lapis is  _ not _ a quiet snorer. Her Lapis sleeps with her mouth wide open and her limbs strewn in random directions and drool dripping onto her pillow while snoring so loud you could probably hear it if you happened to walk past their house. Peridot thinks it is  _ beautiful _ .

But this Lapis is quiet. Her mouth is closed, her arm is carefully placed over Peridot’s chest, and you couldn’t even tell she was snoring unless you were specifically listening for it.

_ You are not my Lapis _ .

Peridot wiggles out from underneath Lapis, careful not to wake her, and sits on the edge of the bed. Her feet dangle a few inches from the floor, and for the first time in years she misses her limb enhancers.

She had been terrified when she reformed without them—they were practically her only defense. Without them, she was useless, and completely at the will of whatever the Crystal Gems chose to do with her.

Over time, she had relaxed. She learned to handle herself without her limb enhancers, and she knew that neither Steven or Lapis would let anyone hurt her.

And, well, she knows this Steven and Lapis won’t either. But they’re not  _ her _ Steven and Lapis. And there’s really no guarantee that she’s ever going to see  _ her _ Steven and Lapis ever again.

“Peri, are you okay?” Lapis slurs, sitting up and resting her chin on Peridot’s shoulder.

“Uh...yes. Yes. I’m great.”

“You’re a terrible liar,” Lapis throws a pillow at her and then pulls her onto her lap. “What’s wrong?”

Peridot blushes and squirms out of her arms. “I just want to go home,” she says quietly. Lapis takes Peridot’s chin and her hand and kisses her softly.  _ ThisisnotmyLapisthisisnotmyLapisthisisnotmyLapis  _ but it  _ looks _ like her Lapis, and it  _ sounds _ like her Lapis and it  _ feels _ like her Lapis, and Peridot kisses her back. Lapis pulls Peridot back onto her lap and places her hands delicately on Peridot’s waist, causing (what was that called? Butterflies. That was what Garnet had called it when she had described the feeling to her) butterflies to flutter around in Peridot’s stomach.

Lapis flicks her tongue across Peri’s lips, and this brings her back to reality.

Peridot jerks her head back and removes herself from Lapis’ lap. “N-no,” she says. “I...we shouldn’t be doing this. This is wrong.”

“‘This is wrong?’” Lapis repeats. Her voice is low. She gives Peridot a dangerous look that causes her to shrink under her gaze.

“I...I just mean...you’re not my Lapis. And I’m not your Peridot! It’s like you’re  _ cheating _ on  _ your _ Peridot!”

“My Peridot is dead,” Lapis says between her teeth. “You’re being selfish.”

“I just-”

“Get out.”

Peridot’s stomach drops. “I…”

“I said, _ get out _ ,” Lapis repeats. She points to the door. Peridot complies and shuts the door behind her.

She stands staring at the closed door for a much longer time that was probably considered normal. Of course, there aren’t exactly any guidelines for how long you should stare at the door after you’ve just been kicked out of your alternate self’s girlfriend’s room because you didn’t feel comfortable kissing her because it didn’t feel right because you like the version of the same person in  _ your _ universe a lot better, even if she’s not your girlfriend because she definitely doesn’t feel the same way about you, so your alternate self’s girlfriend got mad at you.

...So maybe it was a completely normal amount of time. She didn’t know.

After she’s done staring at the door, she turns around and goes down the hallway to the only other room she’s been to yet.

Connie’s the only one there; she’s holding a coffee cup in one hand and a book in the other.

“Uh...hi,” Peridot squeaks. Connie puts her book down and her face lights up.

“Hey, Peridot!”

Peridot awkwardly sits down at the other side of the table and clears her throat. She never really talked to Connie much in her timeline, but she imagined they’d probably be closer in this one, seeing as they were all crammed together in this base for a year before her alternate self disappeared.

“You’re up early. Our Peridot usually slept in with Lapis well past noon,” Connie notes.

“Didn’t she have her own room?”

“Well, yeah, but she always slept with Lapis. She used her room for working on her inventions and stuff.”

“Oh.”

Connie takes another sip of her coffee, and Peridot shifts uncomfortably in her seat.

“Um...can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” Connie says kindly. “What is it?”

“I...how...when did the other me and this Lapis become, like...a thing?”

“Let me think,” Connie says, setting her cup of coffee down. “I mean, they were a thing for a  _ while _ before it was official, but I think it was probably a few months after we went into hiding. This place was still under construction and it was really tiny, so we all spent a lot of time much closer to each other than we’d like. It was kinda hard not to notice you two flirting with each other all the time and being completely oblivious to it. Eventually Bismuth got tired of it and told you to ‘just kiss already.’ So you did.”

“Huh.”

Connie tilts her head. “You okay?” she asks.

“Oh, I’m just  _ great _ ,” Peridot mutters, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “In the past day, I have gotten myself stuck in a really messed up alternate universe, found out the alternate version of myself is probably dead, gotten kissed by my alternate self’s girlfriend, who is the alternate version of my best friend who I have a crush on but doesn’t like me back, and then my alternate self’s girlfriend kicked me out of her room. So no, not really.”

“She kicked you out of her room?” Connie asks worriedly. “Why would she do that?”

“I didn’t want to kiss her. And she got really mad. She said I was being selfish.”

“Oh, gosh,” Connie mumbles. She runs her hand through her hair and sighs. “I’m really sorry, Peridot. I’m sure she’s not  _ actually _ mad at you. She’s just...confused.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And just so you know, I can’t imagine a timeline where Lapis doesn’t fall in love with you, Peri.”

Peridot looks back at Connie with wide eyes and a steady blush spreading across her cheeks. Thankfully, she doesn’t have to reply, because Steven walks into the room and interrupts them.

“Alright,” he yawns, stretching his arms above his head. “You said there was something you needed to find to get back to your own timeline, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you remember where it was?”

“I...I have a pretty good idea of where it was. Amethyst is the one who found it, but she told me where it was.”

Steven flinches slightly at the sound of Amethyst’s name, but recovers quickly and forces a smile. “Well, we better start looking. I’m sure everyone in your timeline is really worried about you.”

“Actually, I think they’re probably just mad at me.” Peridot surprises even herself with that statement. Seeing the concerned way Steven and Connie are looking at her, she shakes her head and mutters, “let’s just go.”

“Okay,” Steven nods. “It’s best if just you and me go. The less of us there are, the less likely it is for us to get caught.”

“Oh yeah. I almost forgot about that.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t let them find us. But even if they do, I’ve fought them off before and won. That’s how I got this.” Steven gestures to the eyepatch he’s sporting over his left eye.

Something about that seems a little  _ off _ to Peridot, but she can’t quite put her finger on  _ why _ it sounds off, and Steven interrupts her train of thought before she can get very far.

“So where are we going?” Steven asks, leading her out of the base into the Big Donut.

“It’s this garden on the other side of Beach City. She said it was called The Lotus Garden.”

Steven pauses. “Lotus Garden?” he repeats. “Are you sure she didn’t say Lotus  _ Graveyard _ ?”

“Uhh...yeah, I’m pretty sure? I don’t usually confuse the word  _ graveyard _ with  _ garden _ ,” Peridot replies, looking incredulously back at Steven.

“Is it the place a few miles west of that empty field back there?” Steven asks, gesturing towards the place Little Homeworld would have been.

“Oh. Um, I guess it is,” Peridot replies.

“Thought so,” Steven murmurs. He looks at Peridot and puts a hand on his forehead. “Oh! I almost forgot! You need a gem cover before we go outside.”

“What’s that?”

Steven reaches into his bag and pulls out a roll of duct-tape. “It’s not duct-tape, if that’s what you’re thinking. It looks like it, but our Peridot modified it so that it would scramble our gem signatures so it would be harder for the soldiers to detect us.” He rips a piece off and sticks it over Peridot’s gem. “There. Now we can go outside.”

“This is really uncomfortable,” Peridot complains.

“I know, but it’s necessary,” Steven tells her. “Let’s go.”

* * *

The minute they reach the Lotus Graveyard, Peridot figures out why it’s called a graveyard.

Everything is dead.

The grass is so brown and dry it’s hard to imagine it was ever green. What must be thousands of dead leaves crunch under their feet with every step they take; there’s not a single one left on any of the trees in the whole place. The lake is a mere muddy hole in the ground, and there are thick vines all over the cobblestone walls, which are covered in dead moss.

And then there are the crickets.

There are  _ hundreds _ of them, all unmoving and lying on the ground.  _ So that’s why I couldn’t hear any _ , Peridot thinks. “What  _ happened _ here?” she asks Steven.

“I don’t really know,” Steven admits. “I’m assuming it doesn’t look like this in your timeline?”  
“Definitely not.” Peridot absentmindedly touches her not-duct-tape-covered gem. “Stars, this is so messed up,” she groans.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Steven assures her, putting an arm around her shoulders. “We’re gonna get you back home, alright? I promise.”

She nods.

So they look. For an hour.

There’s no trace of anything but dead plants and cricket carcasses and an empty, faded cardboard box.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know alternate Lapis is being a bit of a jerk right now, but please forgive her. You probably wouldn't be acting quite like yourself either if someone who looked and sounded exactly like your girlfriend who no one has seen in over a year showed up out of nowhere, but then didn't act like her. She's just confused. She wants HER Peridot back.


	4. This Chapter Did Have A Name But I Never Wrote It Down So I Forgot It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things finally start to get interesting, Peridot and Lapis find something weird in Alternate Peridot's room, and we get a flashback that won't make much sense until chapter 6.

Ruby stares at the glass shards from the picture frame that contained her only picture of Sapphire that she had just chucked at the wall for what was probably a much longer time that was considered normal.

Of course, there aren’t exactly any guidelines for how long you should stare at the glass shards from the picture frame containing the picture of your wife you chucked at the wall out of anger over your best friend getting to see her girlfriend again (even though she’s technically not the same person) even though you’ll never get to see your wife again because she’s being mind-controlled by a giant space empress who has control over the entire universe.

...So maybe it was a completely normal amount of time. She doesn’t know.

Ruby huffs and lies down on the bed. “Now look what you did,” she mutters to herself. “Sapphire didn’t do anything wrong. Why are you mad at her? Why are you so mad at  _ everything _ ?”

It’s not fair. Nothing is fair. Being Garnet while being mind-controlled would probably be better than this.

Ruby feels a single hot tear run down her cheek. She squeezes her eyes shut.

“Hey, Ruby? Can I talk to you?”

A low growl sounds from Ruby’s throat. She does  _ not _ want to talk to Lapis right now. Lapis is the  _ last  _ person she wants to talk to right now. Unfortunately, Lapis decides to take her apparent silence as a yes, and she comes into her room.

Ruby doesn’t move. Maybe if she pretends to be asleep, Lapis will leave her alone.

“Ruby, come on. I know you’re not asleep. You never sleep.”

_ Danget. So that didn’t work. _

Ruby sits up and growls again, louder this time so Lapis can hear it.

Lapis sits on her bed and looks at her. “What’s  _ your _ problem?” she asks.

“I have a  _ lot _ of problems,” Ruby counters, crossing her arms. “Do you want me to list them all? Because I can. One, you won’t leave me alone. Two, we have no plan to get any of the other gems back, and we’re just stuck here indefinitely. Three, I have been living underground for a year hiding from some  _ stupid _ soldiers on this  _ terrible _ planet-”

“You love the Earth,” Lapis points out.

“Not anymore!”

“Oh, come on, you don’t mean that.”

“Oh, I do.” Ruby glares at her for a moment before looking away again.

“But Earth is where you and Sapphire-”

“Do NOT talk to me about Sapphire!” Ruby snaps.

Lapis pauses, startled by Ruby’s sudden outburst. Which probably  _ shouldn’t  _ have been surprising, seeing as most of what comes out of Ruby’s mouth is a sudden outburst. But...this is different somehow. “Ruby,” Lapis says gently, reaching over to touch her lightly on the shoulder.

Ruby jerks away from her. “I don’t wanna talk to you right now,” she snarls.

“Alright, then don’t talk to me,” Lapis says. “Just listen.”

“Noooo,” Ruby moans, lying back down on the bed again.

“You’re my best friend.”

“Ughhh...”

“It’s true, whether you like it or not. And yeah, I know that’s only because of some very...unfortunate...circumstances. There probably aren’t a lot of timelines where we get to know each other very well.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Ruby mutters. “Garnet would.”

“I’m not talking about Garnet right now! I’m talking about  _ you _ ! Listen, Ruby...I’m probably the only one right now who knows how you feel.”

Ruby narrows her eyes as anger boils up inside her. “No,” she hisses. She sits back up. “No, you do  _ not _ know how I feel. You and Peridot never had what me and Sapphire did. Me and Sapphire were together for  _ thousands _ of years. Spectrolite was  _ nothing _ like Garnet.”

For a moment, anger flashes in Lapis’ eyes and she opens her mouth to tell Ruby off. She was  _ every bit _ as upset when she lost Peridot as Ruby was when she lost Sapphire. She can’t invalidate them like that. No, of course Spectrolite wasn’t like Garnet. Nobody was like Garnet. But just because they hadn’t been together for as long as-

And then spots the glass shards on the ground from the picture frame that held Ruby’s only picture of Sapphire, and she closes her mouth.

At least three minutes pass before she speaks again.

“You’re right,” she says finally.

“Huh?” That wasn’t how Ruby was expecting her to react.

“You’re right,” Lapis repeats. “We didn’t have what you had.”

“...I’m sorry.” Ruby looks down at her lap. “That wasn’t fair.”

“Not a lot of things are fair right now.”

“Do you think things are ever gonna go back to normal?”

“They have to,” Lapis says firmly. “I am not gonna live like this forever.” She punches Ruby lightly in the shoulder. “You aren’t either. We stick together from now on, yeah?”

Ruby looks at her, surprised. “Y-yeah,” she says after a moment. “We stick together.”

* * *

“Peridot, calm down.”

“I AM CALM!”

“Hey.” Steven puts his hands on Peridot’s shoulders so she’ll stop pacing. “You’re gonna be okay.”

Peridot chooses to ignore this. “NO I’M NOT! I’M GONNA BE STUCK IN THIS MESSED UP TIMELINE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AND I’M NEVER GONNA GO HOME AND WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!”  
“What? Why are we all going to die?”

“I DON’T KNOW! I JUST ALWAYS SAY THAT WHEN I GET REALLY FREAKED OUT!”

“Peridot, we’re going to get you back to your own timeline, okay? That’s a promise.”

“HOW?!”

“I don’t know,” Steven says firmly, “but we’re going to figure it out. Maybe you could...build the machine from scratch?”

“Well, maybe I could if it wasn’t powered by GROUND UP GEM SHARDS!”

“It’s  _ what _ ?”

“Yeah! I should have listened to Lapis. She told me not to use any of that tech on myself! I’m such a clod!”

“Hey, calm down,” Steven says gently. “Maybe you can find an alternate power source.”

“That’s impossible!”

“Well, if anyone can do it, it’s you.”

“Hm,” Peridot thinks for a moment. “I suppose that’s true. I am remarkably smart.”

“That’s the spirit,” Steven chuckles. “Let’s go back to the base. Our Peridot always had-” he suddenly cuts himself off as a realization dawns on him.

“Um...always had what?”

He blinks. “Sorry. Um, she always had all kinds of spare parts in her room. It’s just...we haven’t really been in there since…since she left.”

“Seriously?” Peridot says. “She’s been gone for more than a year and you haven’t even gone in her room once?”

“Well, I mean...I’ve tried. I just...I can never bring myself to open the door. I don’t really know why.”

Peridot nods. “Well, I guess I can kind of see that. When Lapis took the barn into space, I didn’t go back to the farm for a long…Steven? What are you looking at me like that for?”

“Lapis...took the barn into space?” Steven says. He looks a little confused and worried, which makes Peridot a  _ lot _ confused and worried.

“She...didn’t do that here?”

Steven shakes his head. “Well, she almost did. But you convinced her to stay.”

“...oh.” Peridot swallows. Her mouth feels dry.

“Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah. I’m fine.”

How had her alternate self managed to convince Lapis to stay? And...what had  _ she _ done wrong in her timeline that caused her Lapis to leave? Or maybe it’s just Lapis that’s different...this Lapis  _ does _ seem a lot different than hers...what if her Lapis just doesn’t like her the way this one does? What if her Lapis doesn’t like her at  _ all _ ? What if her Lapis is glad that she’s gone so that she doesn’t have to deal with her all the time? What if-

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Steven asks again, snapping Peridot back to reality.

“Y-yes. Let’s go.”

* * *

“Lapis? Can I come in?”

“Whatever.”

Steven cautiously opens the door to Lapis and Peridot’s house to find Lapis lying face-down on the couch. He sighs. “Lapis, you’ve been here all day.”

“So? Peridot’s been in an alternate universe all day.”

“Listen, I know you’re worried, but-”

“ _ Worried _ ?” Lapis snaps. She sits up and glares at him, a look on her face so intense Steven avoids making eye-contact with her. “I’m freaking terrified, Steven. What if she never comes back? What if somebody shatters her? What if she’s in some really terrible alternate universe where we’re all evil and then  _ we _ shatter her? What if the evil version of  _ me _ shatters her? What if she dies thinking I hate her because I was too scared to tell her that I...that I...ugh, I can’t even say it out loud!” She flops back down on the couch, this time on her back, and stares at the ceiling with angry tears in her eyes.

“You can’t say what out loud?” Steven asks. He sits down on the side of the couch and Lapis covers her eyes with her arm and turns her head the other way.

“That I lo...I, I llllo...see! I can’t do it!” Lapis is blushing madly. She sits up again and stubbornly looks away from Steven. “I can’t do it. I can’t even say it to myself.”

Steven bites his lip to try to keep from smiling. “Try again.”

“Ugh. Whatever. I...I lo- ...I...Love her. There, I said it. It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid,” Steven assures her. “But I understand why it would be hard for you to say.”

“Whatever,” Lapis mutters. She places her hand on her forehead. “What am I gonna do?”

“First, you’re gonna stop sulking. At least open the blinds, you can’t just lay here in the dark all day. Then, you’re gonna calm down and trust that Peridot is gonna find a way to get back here. She’s smart. She’ll figure it out. If she got herself stuck there, she can get herself out.”

Lapis pulls her knees up to her chest. “Okay,” she scoffs. “Then what?”

“You’re gonna have to figure out that next part yourself, Lapis. What do you want to happen after that?”

“When she comes back...I’m gonna yell at her for being stupid and not listening to me.”

“How is that going to help?”

“It won’t, but it’s gonna happen anyway.”

Steven sighs. “Alright then, after you yell at her and make her feel bad about herself, what do you do to make her feel better?”

Lapis blinks. “We can watch the season finale special of CPH season 7 like we were going to before she disappeared.”

“Okay. And then what?”

Lapis huffs. “This is hard,” she says.

“Do you want to write it down?”

“Write what down?”

“What you’re gonna say to her.”

“Sure. Whatever.”

* * *

“Okay, okay, okay, this is fine,” Lapis mutters. “This is fine.”

“You know, you don’t have to open the door if you don’t want to,” Bismuth says. “Someone else can-”

“No, no, I can do it.” Lapis says. She closes her eyes, turns the doorknob and slowly pushes the door open. The lights flicker on. Surprisingly, Peridot’s room is relatively clean—there’s nothing on the floor except for a sweatshirt and a book that’s been lying upside down so long it probably won’t ever stay closed again.

Lapis steps in through the door and cautiously sits down on the bed.

Everything looks exactly how she remembers it looking the last time she was in here. Except…there’s something a little...off.

“I…” she breathes, a puzzled look on her face.

“What’s wrong?” Peridot asks. She’s only half listening. She’s also staring at a framed picture on the wall of her alternate self and Lapis kissing, and she feels another strange pang of jealousy towards her alternate self.

“I...don’t know.” Lapis stands up. What  _ is _ it? There’s definitely something weird about Peridot’s old room, but everything looks completely normal as far as she can tell.

There’s a shriveled up potted plant on the desk, along with a bunch of scrap metal and gadgets and a sketchbook filled mostly with drawings of Lapis.

Peridot flips through the sketchbook. Her alternate self was a better meep-morpist, too. No wonder Lapis had kicked her out of her room...she must be disappointing compared to the other Peridot. She puts the sketchbook down and looks nervously up at Lapis.

Lapis makes eye-contact with her for a second before her eyes dart away. “I, um...do you see anything useful in here?” she mumbles.

“Oh. I, uh...kinda forgot I was supposed to be looking for that.”

A ghost of a smile appears on Lapis’ face for a brief moment, but it morphs into a look of confusion when she looks down. Halfway hidden under the bed is...what looks like Peridot’s old visor.

Of course it’s not her real visor, because that’s a part of her form. But...why would she need a replica of her old visor?

Lapis picks it up and runs her thumb over the side. “Why would…” she murmurs.

Lapis looks back at Peridot. This visor wouldn’t fit her. This one looks like it was designed to fit...Lapis. Which is even weirder. Why would  _ she _ need a visor?

Cautiously, Lapis puts them on.

“Woah! What the-” she gasps, stumbling backwards into the wall.

“Wh-what is it?” Peridot asks, dropping the screwdriver she had in her hand.

“It’s…” Lapis blinks and takes them off for a second before putting them back on. “There’s writing. All over the walls. I can only see it with the visor on.”

“What does it say?”

“Um…” Lapis steps closer to examine it. “It doesn’t seem to mean anything. It’s just...a bunch of random words. ‘Inside’ and ‘back’ and ‘explain’ seem to be popular ones...wait, there’s something over here that actually makes sense. It says…’take the picture off the wall.’”

“This one?” Peridot asks, gesturing to the picture of her alternate self kissing Lapis.

“Well, I’d presume so. It’s the only picture here.”

Peridot takes the picture off the wall. “Huh. That’s odd,” she muses.

“What?”

“There’s a little door.”

“Well, open it!”

“I can’t, it requires a password.”

“Well, what do  _ you _ use for your passwords? I’m sure it’s probably the same thing.”

“I have, like, twelve different passwords.”

“Well, try them all!”

“Hm.” Peridot types in  _ percyxpierre619 _ . A large red X materializes in the screen above the keypad.  _ Crystalclod309 _ gets the same result, as does  _ passwordsarestupid. _ After  _ CPH76 _ , though, something new happens.  _ “You have two attempts remaining,”  _ a computerized voice states calmly.  _ “If those fail, this device will self-destruct.” _

“WHAT?!” Peridot screeches. “There are still eight of them I haven’t tried yet!”

“Well, which one would you use for something like this?” Lapis asks.

“I have no idea what this is!” Peridot exclaims, throwing her hands up in the air. “I have no idea what the other me was thinking!”

Lapis huffs frustratingly. “Okay,” she says through her teeth. “Just try your best.”

“O-okay,” Peridot squeaks. She types in  _ thegreatandlovable5xg _ .

_ “You have one remaining attempt.” _

“Nonononono!”

“Calm down!” Lapis yells, not sounding particularly calm herself. “You have one more try. If you were hiding something really, really, really important, what password would you use that nobody but you would ever guess?”

“Wait…” Peridot blinks. “That doesn’t make sense, though. She made that visor for  _ you _ . She left the message for  _ you _ . She probably made the password something  _ you _ could guess.”

Lapis looks back at her with wide eyes and takes the visor off. “Y-you’re right,” she says. Peridot steps back so Lapis can use the keyboard. “Umm...ummm…” she takes a deep breath. “Alright. I’ll try.”

She types something in, closes her eyes, and pushes the enter button.

_ “Access granted.” _

* * *

_ “I can’t tell them. They’ll go after me,” Peridot mutters to herself, rocking back and forth. She squeezes her eyes shut and presses her hands against either side of her head. “Will you shut up? I’m trying to think.” _

_ It’s getting harder to keep It under control. Either It’s growing stronger every day, or  _ she’s _ growing  _ weaker _. That’s why she has to leave. It’s not safe. Sooner or later It is going to take full control of her body, and who knows what would happen to her friends. _

_ “But...if something goes wrong...they won’t know where to look for me.” Peridot blinks and looks up at the picture on her wall. “What if…” _

_ She stands up, and immediately has to sit back down again before she falls over. She’s so tired. All she wants to do is sleep for a thousand years or so. But she can’t. _

_ Peridot stands up, slower this time, and takes the picture off the wall. This would certainly be easier if she wasn’t constantly fighting It to stay in control of her body, but she can’t rest until it’s finished. And even for a while after that, actually. She needs to get far, far away. To the one place no one would ever think to look for her. _

_ To do the one thing White Diamond doesn’t expect her to do. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what was THAT about? What happened to Peridot on Homeworld? What was she hiding? Why did she make it so complicated to get into the safe thingie in her wall? What was in the safe thingie in her wall? Why is Ruby so hard to write when Sapphire isn't with her? Why does Steven have an eye-patch? What was the password? How come John Cena gets his own theme song? What is the function of a rubber duck? Why did the chicken cross the road? Are we there yet? There are so many burning questions...
> 
> Also, there's a possibility I won't get around to updating next week. Chapter 5 still isn't done and I have to get it done by Friday because I'll be on vacation all next week. We'll see what happens, though.


	5. Log Date 7 18 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things get even more bizarre and confusing, and no questions get answered. Sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so late! I hope it was worth it...

“It’s a camcorder,” Steven says, examining the object in his hands. “I’ve never seen this one before, though. You said you found this in the wall?”

“Yeah,” Lapis says. “What does a camcorder do?”

“It’s a video recorder. Were there any tapes in there?”

Peridot hands a dusty vhs tape to Steven, who blows the dust off of it and puts it in the camcorder. “Let’s go hook it up to the tv.”

Steven has to take the tape back out, hit it against the table, and blow on it again several times before it finally starts working.

_ “Log date 7 18 5,” _ Alternate Peridot says. Lapis gasps and crawls closer to the tv at the sound of Peridot’s voice. The static in the background grows louder and there’s a faint shuffling noise, but Peridot doesn’t say anything else.

“Lapis, move, I can’t see,” Steven tells her, gently tugging on her arm.

“It doesn’t matter, there’s nothing  _ to  _ see.”

The screen is so dark and grainy, none of them can make out what’s going on. All they hear is static for nearly five minutes before anything happens. Then for a split second, the screen turns bright blue and there’s a series of numbers displayed before it goes back to the dark and grainy background that was there before.

Peridot jumps. “Did you see that?”

“Yeah, yeah, rewind it!” Lapis says excitedly.

“587236,” Steven reads. He looks over at Peridot. “Does that...mean anything to you?”

She shakes her head. Lapis huffs. “What the hell does it mean?”

“I think there are only two explanations,” Steven says softly, examining the camcorder.

“What?”

“Either our Peridot went completely insane before she wandered off, or...she knew  _ exactly _ what she was doing.” He examines the camcorder, squinting his eyes. “I think…” he pauses and runs his thumb along the side of the camcorder until he hits a button, which flips the side over and reveals a keypad. “I think she left us clues.” He and Lapis exchange glances.

Steven punches in the numbers and the tv screen goes black for a few more minutes until a different sequence of numbers pop up. This goes on for a while. The numbers are hidden in more and more obscure places; they keep having to rewind and pause to see if they missed something. There are some where it looks like Peridot had put the visor she made for Lapis over the lens to see the codes on the wall. Others are barcodes and serial numbers that are zoomed in on for a few seconds, and some are written in binary code, which they have to translate.

After the eleventh set of numbers, though, something new happens. “I’m sorry you had to go through all that trouble,” Alternate Peridot says. She pushes up her visor with her index finger and clears her throat. “I promise I had my reasons. I’ll explain everything eventually. But for now, you’re gonna have to bear with me. This is…” she begins to sway and has to steady herself against the table and catch her breath for a moment before she’s able to continue. “I...there’s something I have to do. But I can’t tell you what it is yet. I’m sorry I can’t explain now. I know this seems a little...backwards...but like I said, I have my reasons.”

Then the tape stops.

* * *

Garnet sometimes has trouble determining which decision would be best, taking the different timelines she sees into account. She’s sometimes uncertain which one of the timelines she sees would be the best route, considering the other timelines those timelines branch into. At first this was rather overwhelming. Over time, though, she’s learned to use a combination of logic and intuition when making these decisions, and over time it’s gotten easier to make them.

But her decision-making has always highly relied on her future vision, and she’s starting to think she may have taken it for granted.

Because now she has no idea what to do without it.

It’s not  _ completely _ gone. She can see flashes, tidbits of information she can channel in from the multiverse, but it’s so blurry and glitchy she can barely tell what’s going on.

The logical conclusion to draw is that her powers are malfunctioning because Peridot interfered with another timeline, but after thinking about it, she doesn’t think that makes sense. Timelines get interfered with from time to time. It’s not that unusual. Nothing like this has ever happened before.

No, this is something else. Something bigger.

“Hey, Garnet? Is everything okay?” Steven walks up behind her and sits down next to her on the sand, facing the setting sun.

Garnet doesn’t reply right away. The answer to this question, of course, would probably be no. But what bothers her is that it’s only a guess. She really has no idea.

“Steven, I think Peridot might be in danger,” she says.

“Wh-what do you mean?”

Garnet pauses. “I don’t know,” she admits. “My future vision hasn’t been working. I’ve been trying to use it to find her, but something is interfering with it. It’s never done this before. Whatever is happening, it’s affecting the entire multiverse, not just our timeline.”

“Well...how do you know the problem isn’t just with your future-vision?” Steven asks.

“I’ve talked to some of the Sapphires in Little Homeworld. None of them can see anything either.”

“What do you think is wrong?”

“Honestly, Steven...I haven’t the faintest idea.”

It’s a bit unsettling hearing those words from  _ Garnet _ , of all people. Garnet is supposed to know what to do. Garnet  _ always  _ knows what to do. “Do you think she’ll be okay?” Steven says quietly.

Garnet puts her visor back on and refocuses her gaze on the sunset. “I hope so.”

That is not the answer Steven wanted to hear.

“I think it would be best if you don’t tell Lapis,” Garnet says. “At least not right away. She’s upset enough as it is.”

“Yeah,” Steven agrees. “She probably wouldn’t take that very well. What are we gonna do, though? We can’t just sit here and  _ hope _ that she’ll be okay.”

“Right now, that’s all we can do. First I need to get a better idea of what’s going on with my future vision. I can’t even fathom the amount of energy needed to do something like this. There’s something much bigger going on here. I’ve never seen anything like this before.”

* * *

“There’s nothing on the other side of the tape.”

“Wha- what do you mean there’s nothing on the other side of the tape?!”

“I mean there’s nothing on the other side of the tape! That was all there was!”

“What the heck was that, then?!” Lapis cries angrily. “Why the hell would she go through all that trouble with the hidden compartment in the wall and all the number code things if all she was gonna say was that she couldn’t tell us anything? Why would she need to hide that?! That doesn’t make any sense!”

“Lapis, calm down, let’s think about this,” Steven insists, guiding her to sit back down on the couch. “Maybe there’s something we missed.” He looks cautiously over at Peridot. “Do you have any ideas?”

“Why would I know?” she squeaks.

“Because it’s  _ you _ ,” Lapis says irritably.

“No, it’s  _ not _ me! I thought we’d established that already!”

“Guys, stop it!” Steven interjects. “Let’s go back and watch the clip again and look for anything unusual.”

“There was nothing  _ not _ unusual about that,” Lapis grumbles.

They have to go back and put in all the number codes again, which takes almost ten minutes.

_ “I’m sorry you had to go through all that trouble. I promise I had my reasons. I’ll explain everything eventually. But for now, you’re gonna have to bear with me. This is…I...there’s something I have to do. But I can’t tell you what it is yet. I’m sorry I can’t explain now. I know this seems a little...backwards...but like I said, I have my reasons.” _

Steven reverses the tape and the message plays again. “What was she trying to say?” he sighs, running a hand through his hair.

“Well, obviously, she was trying  _ not _ to say anything,” Lapis supplies unhelpfully.

“There has to be  _ something _ ! Why else would she hide this clip so well?”

“Probably because she went insane!”

“Well, what do you want to do,  _ give up _ ?” Steven demands. “This is the closest we’ve come to finding any sort of clue to where she might have gone in over a year!”

“It doesn’t  _ matter _ where she went, because she’s  _ DEAD _ !”

“Stop  _ SAYING THAT _ !”

“BOTH OF YOU CLODS SHUT UP, I THINK I FIGURED SOMETHING OUT!”

Steven and Lapis seem to have forgotten Peridot was there; they both whirl around to look at her and adopt rather sheepish expressions. “Sorry, Peridot,” Steven apologizes softly. “I didn’t mean to...never mind. What did you figure out?”

“My alternate self put an unusual emphasis on the word  _ backwards _ , and it didn’t really make any sense in the context she used it in. Therefore, I think she may have meant that we need to put the numbers in backwards.”

Steven looks at Lapis, who averts her eyes and faces the ground. “Let’s try it,” she mutters.

Rewinding the tape doesn’t work; they have to flip it over and skip through the entire Side B before they can get back to the beginning of Side A.

After putting in all eleven codes backwards, the screen goes white for a few seconds before a new video starts.

It looks like Peridot dropped the camera the second she started filming, but didn’t bother to pick it back up. _ “Hey, remember that robonoid I found a while back?” _ she slurs. She sounds utterly exhausted.  _ “I told you I couldn’t fix it, but that wasn’t true. I’m just not using it for its…” _ she pauses and yawns,  _ “intended purposes. But it’s very important. Could you make sure the wiring doesn’t get corroded with dust when I’m gone? Thanks.” _

The tv goes to static for a few seconds before the tape stops again, leaving Peridot, Lapis, and Steven more than a little confused.

“What the hell?!” Lapis sputters. “What was  _ that _ ?”

“Well, obviously there are more clues in the robonoid,” Peridot explains.

“Yeah, I got that, but...I don’t understand why she...what  _ happened _ ? What was she hiding?”

* * *

_ “Are you sure we should use The Seed on this era 2 peridot? Wouldn’t it make more sense to use it on Pink?” White looks inquisitively up at the gem, who shakes her head and smiles. _

_ “Oh, don’t worry, White. I know exactly what I’m doing. I’ve looked into all the different paths we could take, and this one yields the best results. The peridot is too weak to withstand its power for long. It’s going to be easy.” _

_ “...alright, then. I suppose you would know,” White sighs. _

_ “That’s right,” the gem grits her teeth and roughly takes White’s chin in her hand. “I  _ would _ know. And don’t you forget that, dear. I know you’re not used to taking orders as opposed to giving them, but things are going to have to change around here. You had your chance. Now it’s  _ my _ turn.” She lets go of White’s chin and storms out of the room, leaving the former empress standing in her former throne room utterly stripped of her dignity. _

* * *

“I thought she said she fixed this,” Steven says.

The robonoid that they had found in the back corner of Peridot’s closet certainly looks like it has seen better days. It has cracks all through the outer shell, some so prominent the liquid inside them drips out if you turn it on its side.

“Well, she also said she wasn’t using it for its intended purpose,” Peridot muses. “It certainly wouldn’t function if it were being used like normal robonoids are, but…” she pokes the side of it lightly, “maybe it’s supposed to do something else?”

“How do you get these things to turn on?” Steven asks.

“They’re voice activated.”

“Well, then...can you activate it?”

“No, I don’t know the codeword.”

“Maybe it’s the same one you used to open the vault?”

Peridot shakes her head. “Probably not. I never use the same password more than once.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Lapis groans.

“Well...it’s so if somebody guesses  _ one _ of my passwords, they won’t have access to  _ everything _ , just that one-”

“I really don’t care right now,” Lapis hisses. “This is just... _ ridiculous. _ She’s  _ crazy _ !”

As soon as those words leave her mouth, the robonoid starts making a low humming noise.

Steven looks up. “I think you just turned it on.”

“Wait, what? The password was ‘she’s crazy’?”

Peridot cocks her head at the robonoid. “Well, you turned it on, but it still isn’t doing anything. I don’t know, try insulting me again.”

Lapis gives her a weird look and then shrugs her shoulders. “Okay, then. Peridot, you  _ insufferable clod _ , you are the most irrational, irritating person I know.”

The robonoid’s whirring gets faster, as if it’s thinking, but then suddenly stops after a few moments.

“Well...it was starting to work,” Peridot says cautiously, eyeing Lapis’ expression. “Maybe you need to do it again?”

“I can’t,” Lapis huffs, “my anger goes beyond words.”

_ “Log Date 7 18 7.” _

Lapis unintentionally lets out a squeak and she carefully grips the robonoid with both hands.

_ “I guess I owe you an explanation by now.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> o.o


	6. Deja Vu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which several very interesting and unexpected things happen.
> 
> That's literally all I can tell you without spoiling anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been like over a month, so I'm REALLY SORRY.
> 
> I'm not going to be able to have an update schedule anymore because I'm going back to school soon. Updates will be slower from now on. Believe me, I wish I could just write this all day, but I have stuff to do unfortunately. Thank you for understanding!

_ “I guess I owe you an explanation by now.” _

None of them breathe. (Not that Peridot or Lapis need to in the first place, of course.) Lapis lets go of the robonoid, realizing she might accidentally squish it if her hands are on it.

_ “It’s...kind of a long story. You know, this is gonna be kind of difficult, because I’m not sure  _ I _ know what’s going on. I’m not crazy, though. Probably. Well, actually, I might be. But that’s not the point. Kind of. Maybe it is? I don’t know.” _

Lapis and Steven exchange confused glances.

_ “Yeah, actually, I’m probably crazy. I’m probably at least bordering on the line of insanity. So this might not make much sense, but like, I’m trying. The reason I’ve gone Probably Insane is because White Diamond implanted this thing in my gem that’s, uh...well, it’s kinda like the cluster, I guess. Except instead of destroying a planet, it’s supposed to take over my body and brainwash me and use all of the gem shards collective powers to turn me into some sort of mindless super-weapon. I think. Something like that. I was a little distracted when they were explaining it because I had a bunch of zombie people in my head.” _

There’s a long pause after that, which is a good thing, because nobody would have been able to pay attention to what she said next if they weren’t given a few minutes to process what they’d just been told. “Wh-what...?” Lapis sputters. Nobody’s able to get any more words out.

_ “So…I have to do something,”  _ Alternate Peridot continues.  _ “And I can’t tell you what it is yet. I’ve set up a series of elaborate clues so that it’ll take you awhile to find the last piece, in which I will explain in full my plan. I can’t tell you what it is now because you’re going to go after me. But you can’t do that now. You have to trust me. If you’re listening to this message, you’ve obviously already figured out the first few clues. Good job. The next clue is on the inside of this robonoid. You have to smush it. That’s all, I guess. Well, wait, I guess I do have one more thing to say. And that’s ‘sorry.’ I can’t...I wish I didn’t have to do it this way, but the sapphire shards in my head say that this is the only way it’s going to stick. Otherwise, everything will ‘come undone.’ Or something. I don’t really know. That’s just what they said. None of the ghost people make any sense. Not even the other peridots. Anyway, now you have to squish the robonoid.” _

She pauses again for a few moments, before finishing off with, “ _ Peridot, facet 5, end log date.” _

Nobody is able to move for a while after that.

* * *

Maybe at one point, she had some sort of concept of time, but that’s long gone at this point. Amethyst can’t differentiate between hours and minutes anymore.

Amethyst—that is her name, isn’t it? That’s a piece of information she’s managed to hold onto. She takes comfort in this, repeats it to herself over and over. “Amethyst, Amethyst, Amethyst. That’s my name. I’m Amethyst.”

Amethyst is very frustrated at the moment. She has this sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that there’s something very important she’s forgetting about.

Which is pretty obvious. Somebody did something to her memories. It’s as if they’ve been stolen. All she has left are these little wisps of deja-vu in her brain, and sometimes she can feel even those slipping away. “What do I know?” she mutters. “What do I remember? My name is Amethyst. I am a quartz soldier. I knew a...I knew a pearl, I think. We were...friends? I’m smaller than I’m supposed to be, but I knew people who liked me the way I am. I had friends. Maybe they’re coming back? But how long have I been here?”

Amethyst frustratingly flops down on the bed in her room. “I am...Pink Diamond’s quartz,” she continues, “but...were we friends too? That doesn’t make sense. She’s a diamond. Also, why does she look so weird now? I don’t think she’s supposed to look like that.”

The door opens. She sits up suddenly, almost hitting her head on the windowsill above her.

Pink...Diamond? Wait, Diamond? She’s supposed to do something when she sees a diamond, right? “My...Diamond?” Amethyst puts the backs of her hands together. No, that wasn’t it. What was she supposed to do?

Pink Diamond doesn’t reply. She stares back at Amethyst with a blank expression on her face and walks into the room.

Why does she look so strange? For starters, why is she so short? She’s supposed to be much taller. Diamonds are big. Diamonds aren’t the same size as over-cooked quartz soldiers.

She blinks. “I’m not.”

Amethyst cocks her head at her. “You’re not what?”

“Pink Diamond.”

Now she’s even more confused. Amethyst flops back down on the bed in defeat. “I don’t get it,” she groans. “I don’t remember.”

Not-Pink-Diamond reaches out and touches her arm. It’s a rather unusual sensation. It feels hot and cold at the same time, and oddly...pink? Is that a feeling? “My other half can help when we’re back together,” Not-Pink-Diamond says.

“Uhh...okay? Thanks, I guess.”

Not-Pink-Diamond nods and walks out of the room without another word.

* * *

“Wait, wait. You’re telling me there’s been a secret message hidden in Peri’s room this  _ whole time _ and we’re just finding out about it  _ now _ ?!” Bismuth cries.

“Actually, I’m a little more concerned about the whole thing about millions of ghosts living in her head!” Connie points out. “What the heck does that mean?”

“I don’t know!” Steven says, an edge of panic in his voice. “We found a USB drive inside the robonoid, but there are so many files on there, it could take  _ forever _ to go through them all and find the clue. Lapis and Peridot are going through them right now. I just...I have no idea what’s going on. This doesn’t make any sense.”

“Do you think it has anything to do with Pearl, Amethyst, and Sapphire?” Ruby asks softly.

“Maybe,” Steven answers. “She said White Diamond was the one who put that thing in her gem. What if…” his face grows pale as a thought occurs to him. “What if she went back to Homeworld? By herself?”

“Let’s not jump to conclusions,” Bismuth says gently. “You said that in the message, Peri said she knew what she was doing. I think we need to trust her, Steven.”

Steven nods slowly. “O-okay. You’re right. Panicking isn’t going to help Peridot. We need to be focused.”

* * *

“This is stupid,” Lapis says frustratingly, huffing and slamming the pencil back down on the table. The piece of paper in front of her is filled with words that have been written and erased at least five times by now.

“It’s not stupid,” Steven assures her.

“Yes it is! It’s  _ unbelievably  _ stupid! You’d think after all the Camp Pining Hearts I’ve watched, I’d at least have  _ some _ idea of how to do this! How long have we been here?”

“It’s been one hour and fifteen minutes,” Steven supplies helpfully.

“Yeah, and I still don’t even have one word down! And you’re no help either. You said you’d help me. You’ve just been looking at your phone the whole time.”

Steven puts his phone back in his pocket with a sheepish look on his face. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I’ve just been a bit distracted today, that’s all.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Uh...yeah! Yeah, everything’s fine,” Steven says hurriedly. Lapis looks back at him suspiciously.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

Steven feels a pang of guilt. Lying about yourself being fine is one thing, but this just feels...wrong. He’s not sure what to do. It’s not a good idea to tell Lapis that Garnet thinks Peridot might be in danger, but not telling her doesn’t feel great either. He forces a smile. “Okay, where are you stuck?”

Lapis scoffs. “Everywhere. I don’t have any idea what I’m doing. I only know how to tell people I hate them.”

Steven snickers. “Yeah, we might need to work on that.”

“Well, how did you tell Connie you loved her?”

Steven’s caught off-guard for a moment. “What? I...I didn’t.”

“Aren’t you dating, though?”

“Umm...actually...I don’t know?”

“How do you not know if you’re dating?”

“I mean...we do stuff that couples do together, I guess. It’s just, we’ve never really made it official.”

“You’ve kissed her before, though!”

“Not on the lips!”

“Oh. But it’s so obvious you guys like each other.”

“Well, it’s obvious that you and Peridot like each other, too!”  
Lapis almost falls out of her chair. “What?!” she sputters. “No it’s not! She doesn’t even...I mean...wait, am I really that obvious?”

“I mean...yeah. I’ve seen the way you look at her. You guys have all kinds of inside jokes with each other that nobody else gets. You literally live in the same house.”

“We just wanted it to be like how it was in the barn.”

“And how was it like in the barn?”

Lapis pauses. “I just liked living with her. I mean, I hated her at first. But she’s not the same gem she was on the ship. She’s different now. She’s tiny. And incredibly irritating. But I love her anyway.” Despite her best efforts to stay composed, a few stray tears slip down her cheeks. “Steven...what if she never comes back?” she whispers.

All Steven can do is hug her as she sobs into his chest. He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t want to give her false hope.

* * *

_ “What do you want from me?” Peridot gasps. Her voice lacks the confidence it had during the first two hours of her capture. Now it sounds shaky. Weak. Scared. _

_ White Diamond looks down at her disgustedly. “I don’t know what anyone would want with you,” she sighs. “Era twos are such embarrassments.” She kneels down and picks Peridot up by the back of her shirt. “But I think I’ve come up with a good use for you, 5XG.” _

“No!” Peridot chokes, gasping for breath as she sits up. She hits her gem with the heel of her palm and a low growl sounds from her throat. “I hate you, you know that?” she mutters. “I thought you said you were gonna  _ help  _ me. Stop giving me nightmares about traumatic events, you jerks!”

_ “We don’t think you’re upholding your part of the bargain _ ,” a million whispery voices hiss in her ear. They speak slowly, with husky, breathy, pained, ancient voices; mere remnants of what they used to be. Peridot has stopped shuddering every time they speak, but they’re still quite unsettling.  _ “May we remind you what she’ll do-” _

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Peridot grumbles. “I’m working on it. I’m trying, okay? It’s just a little  _ difficult _ . You’re  _ exhausting _ . This would probably be a lot easier if Steven were here, but-”

_ “Why don’t you find him?” _ the voices demand.

“Because I’m not going to put him in danger! I can’t do that to any of them. They wouldn’t understand. The only reason  _ I _ understand is because you’re in my head.”

_ “We...want... _ out _.” _

“Yeah! I know! Believe me, I want you out, too! I’m doing my best, okay?”

“Hey, Peri! Are you talkin’ to yourself or those ghosts in your head?!” At the sound of the other gem’s voice, Peridot jumps and whirls around. She rolls her eyes.

“I do not talk to myself.”

“Yeah you do. Especially when you’re asleep. Like, last night you kept going on and on about how you think 52 is the lamest number in existence.”

“Wait, I said that out loud?”

“Yeah. It was pretty entertaining. You also told me that you were really tired. Which was strange, because you were literally asleep. Also, you kept calling me Lapis. Who’s she?”

Peridot freezes. “...I thought I already told you about her.”

“No. You told me about Steven, of course. You also told me about a bismuth and a permafusion of a ruby and a sapphire and an amethyst and a pearl, and some human chick named Bonnie, I think? I dunno. But you never mentioned a lapis lazuli.”

“Oh.”

It’s quiet for a few minutes. The other gem blinks. “Peri? You okay?”

“Uh...yeah. I don’t want to talk about her right now, though.”

“Oh. Well, that’s okay,” the gem says. She sits down next to Peridot. “Hey, Peri?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really glad you found me. It’s been so long since I’ve had a friend.”

Peridot gives her a sad smile. “I’m glad I found you too. I probably would have gone insane by now if it weren’t for you.”

“I know I don’t have millions of fragmented souls in my brain, but I think the same probably goes for me. I probably would have wanted to kill Steven if I ever found out about him.”

“Yeah, right.” Peridot chuckles. “I can’t imagine you doing anything even remotely evil, Spinel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, you didn't actually think I'd just leave her there in the garden, did you? That was a surprise. Or maybe not, since her name HAS been in the tags this whole time...


	7. Under Normal Circumstances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we get to see how Pearl is doing, get some insight into what's happened on Homeworld since the rest of the Crystal Gems have been there last, and Lapis figures out the next clue.

“What even is all this stuff?” Lapis mumbles frustratedly, running a hand through her hair.

“Well, these first three files here are just full of equations,” Peridot replies.

“What does that have to do with anything?!” Lapis cries. “This doesn’t make any sense!”

“I mean, she did say she wanted to make it really hard to find the next piece.”

“That. Doesn’t. Make. Sense,” Lapis says in a low growl. She frustratedly slams her hands down on the desk the computer is sitting on. “Why didn’t she just tell me? Why didn’t she think she could trust me?”

“She explained that. She said the sapphire shards in her head told her-”

“That is  _ insane _ !” Lapis exclaims. “ _ She’s _ insane. That can’t  _ possibly _ be true!”

“Do you think she was lying?”

“No, I think you were  _ delusional _ ! I think you went and got yourself  _ shattered _ because you started hearing voices in your head and  _ didn’t think to tell me _ ! Why would you…” Lapis’ voice tapers off and she corrects herself, “I mean...her. Because you’re not...you’re not her. I…”

Lapis shakily stands up and steadies herself against the desk.

“...Lapis? Are you oka-”

“I’m fine,” she says. “I need a break. Keep looking.” She walks out of the room without another word.

Peridot pulls her knees up to her chest and looks back at the files on the computer. The flash drive they had found inside the robonoid contains a plethora of folders, none of which have names, containing random documents, blueprints, data collections, equations and pictures. None of them, as far as she can tell, have any secret meanings or clues hidden in them.

She and Lapis looked at all 108 of them, but there was nothing out of the ordinary about any of them.

They should have recorded that message her alternate self left in the robonoid. Maybe there was something in there that would have helped. Unfortunately, the robonoid had been smashed so that they could get the flash drive out. Not that it had helped them at all so far.

Peridot presses her palms against either side of her head and closes her eyes, trying to calm herself down.

Everything would be fine if she would have just listened to Lapis.

Except it wouldn’t—not in this timeline, at least. In this timeline, they might never have found any of the clues if it weren’t for her. Does that mean it’s selfish that she wishes she had never ended up here in the first place?

She shuts down the computer; she doesn’t think she would be able to focus if she were to try and look for clues anyway.

If she were home right now, she and Lapis could be watching Camp Pining Hearts or making meep morps, or she could be playing video games with Steven and Amethyst, or she could be helping Bismuth with blueprints for new buildings in Little Homeworld they wanted to add.

But she’s not home right now, and she doesn’t know what to do.

Slowly, she stands up and walks down the hallway to Steven’s room, her arms wrapped around herself.

She expected him to be asleep, as it’s well past midnight at this point, but he’s awake. He perks up when she sees her in the doorway. “Did you find the clue?” he asks.

“Um...no,” Peridot says quietly.

“Oh.” His face falls, and Peridot takes a hesitant step backwards. Is he mad at her? She should be able to do this. She should be able to figure out things that her alternate self left behind, because they’re basically the same person.

“I...I’m sorry,” she squeaks.

“Wha- That’s okay,” Steven says gently. “It’s not your fault. This isn’t your job, you know. I’m sorry you got dragged into this whole mess.” He sighs.

Peridot tentatively walks over and sits next to Steven on the bed. She wrings her hands in her lap, her unnecessary breath hitching.

“You okay?” Steven asks.

“Uhh...I don’t...know?” she stammers.

Steven wraps his arms around her in a hug, which Peridot gratefully reciprocates. “It’s gonna be okay,” he whispers. She squeezes him tighter and really, really hopes that he’s right.

* * *

There’s a tile on the ceiling that’s a bit crooked, and it’s driving Pearl absolutely insane. Even more so than the stain on the wall slightly to the left of the window sill. She could just stop looking at it every five seconds, but it’s not as if she has anything better to do.

She can’t remember how long she’s been in this room for.

Actually, she can’t remember anything else either, so she supposes it’s not that surprising. She’d probably go crazy from boredom if she weren’t so thoroughly convinced that she’s  _ already _ crazy.

That must be why she’s here. She must have been the pearl of someone important, but all the pressure drove her to insanity, so this is her punishment.

This is what she tells herself, although she knows it doesn’t really make sense. Pearls who don’t do their job perfectly are shattered. There would be no use keeping a deranged pearl around. Perhaps she was so insignificant, she was put in the room to be shattered later and then forgotten about.

Yes, that must be it. That makes sense. Pearls aren’t very significant in the first place, and since she’s an especially defective pearl, she must be even less insignificant.

Although—as satisfying as it might be to figure out why she’s here, and as logical as this conclusion is—there’s a nagging feeling in the back of her mind that  _ that isn’t right _ . She can’t figure out how the little bits and pieces she has left would fit into that scenario. Why would she know an alien? What’s a ‘mom?’ Why did that amethyst tell her she didn’t belong to anyone? That doesn’t make sense.

She closes her eyes tiredly and rubs her temples. This is all too confusing. It would be lovely to just lay down and close her eyes for a bit.

...but why in the world would she do that?

* * *

_ “Wait, wh-what is going on? Pearl? Where are we? What happened?” _

_ Pearl doesn’t respond for a moment. “I don’t know,” she says finally. “Am I your pearl?” Her face grows pale and she immediately stands up and does the diamond salute. “I’m so sorry, my Quartz. I’m-” _

_ “What? You’re not…” Amethyst staggers backwards. “Pearl, no, no, no, please...you’re kidding, right? You know who I am. You don’t belong to anyone, remember?” _

_ Pearl stares at her blankly. “What do you mean I don’t belong to someone? Of course I do. Why else would I have been made?” _

_ “I-” _

_ “Oh, good, you’re awake,” A honeyed voice behind Amethyst says quietly. The sound of it makes her skin crawl and she holds her breath as she slowly turns around. Pearl seems unphased. Actually, Pearl seems absolutely delighted. _

_ “My Diamond!” Pearl does the diamond salute again, a wide smile on her face. _

_ White Diamond smiles back at her. “Thank you, pearl. If you’ll just follow my citrines here, they’ll escort you to where you’ll be staying until I decide what to do with you, alright?” _

_ “Yes, my Diamond!” Pearl says gleefully. _

_ “W-wait...Pearl, don’t leave me here alone with her,” Amethyst pleads. _

_ Pearl doesn’t seem to understand what she means. “But it’s-” _

_ “Pearl! What did I say?” White Diamond snaps. _

_ Pearl’s uncannily wide smile returns and she follows the citrine soldiers out of the room. _

_ White Diamond kneels down and picks Amethyst up. “Hello, there,” she grins. Amethyst tries to move, but she’s practically frozen with terror. _

_ “No, please...I don’t understand...what’s going on?” she stutters. _

_ White Diamond laughs. “You’ll find out soon enough, dear,” she says sweetly. “And I do hope you cooperate. Your little friend didn’t, and you saw what I had to do to her.” _

_ “Wait...what  _ did _ you do with her?” _

_ “Shhh. You don’t have to worry about that anymore. In fact, if everything goes according to plan, neither of us will have to worry about  _ anything _ anymore.” _

* * *

“What do you mean, you didn’t find her?” White fumes, tossing her cape over her shoulder. “You were the one that planted that tech there in the first place! You said that you knew what you were doing! You even predicted that she would rebuild the timeline hopper,  _ and _ end up in this timeline! Why couldn’t you find her?”

“Patience, my Diamond,” the gem says slowly. “I know what I’m doing.”

“Then you also know what  _ she’ll  _ do to both of us if we fail.”

“I am well aware of that, my Diamond. You need to trust me. I have a plan.”

“And what, may I ask,  _ is  _ that plan?” White hisses. The gem doesn’t answer. White slams her fist on the arm of her throne in frustration. “Were we under normal circumstances, I would have you shattered at once!” she shouts.

“But these aren’t normal circumstances, are they my Diamond?”

White glowers at her. “No,” she says through clenched teeth. “I suppose they aren’t. You’re...dismissed.”

* * *

Lapis’ fist hurts.

This is probably because she’s just punched a hole in the wall.

It’s probably unsurprising that this is not the first hole she’s punched in the wall. There are three of them now. The first one was from a few months after Peridot disappeared, after a particularly rough night. The second one is only from yesterday, after she kicked the other Peridot out of her room. And the third one is from a few minutes ago. Or a few hours ago. She’s not quite sure how long she’s been standing here.

She drops to her knees, her hands both clenched in fists and her face contorted in the expression of an emotion she can’t put into words. 

Slowly, she unclenches her fists and rests her hands gently on her thighs, taking a shaky breath.

There are so many conflicting emotions whirling around inside of her right now. She’s so  _ confused _ . Her chest aches and her head is spinning and her stomach hurts and she just wants…

Lapis leans against her bed as tears start to fall down her cheeks. She wants a lot of things. She wants her barn back. She wants her Pumpkin back. She wants Amethyst and Pearl and Garnet back. She wants Beach City back.

She wants everything to go back to exactly how it was in that one small amount of time in her life when everything was  _ okay _ , but she knows she’s never going to get that back.

Lapis sighs.

What is  _ wrong _ with her? She finally has a chance to get her Peridot back...or at least a chance to find out what happened to her...and all she wants to do is sulk about it in her room.

After a minute, she stands back up and walks back out to the computer. Peridot isn’t there. Which is unfortunate, because she’s the only one besides Steven and Connie that actually knows how to use a computer.

There’s another pause, and then she looks more carefully at the flash drive. It looks like a normal flashdrive. (According to Steven, anyway. Lapis doesn’t really know what normal flashdrives look like.) There’s a tiny painted yellow star on the end, which isn’t that surprising. After Peridot got used to the idea of being a Crystal Gem, she started drawing stars on everything.

Lapis smiles. It was really cute. Once, Steven had given them a bunch of gold star stickers, and Peridot had used up all five sheets in two days. She had put them all over the barn, on most of their meep morps, and even a few on Pumpkin. (Although the ones on Pumpkin hadn’t lasted very long; she kept rolling around in the dirt and wearing them off.)

Although, Lapis realizes, once they went into hiding, she had stopped doing that.

She hadn’t really noticed until now, but now that she thinks about it, she can’t remember Peridot drawing stars all over the place; at least not like she used to.

It’s interesting that she painted one onto this flashdrive.

Lapis takes the flashdrive out of the computer and looks closer at it.

“Wait a minute…” she murmurs.

It looks like there’s a line through the star that’s gummed up with robonoid goo. She blinks, and then reaches for a paperclip on the desk to try and shove it in the dent to clean it out.

After all the gunk is out, it’s much more clear that this flashdrive has two parts to it.

Lapis pulls the end off, and a tiny slip of paper floats down to the ground.

On it, is written a set of coordinates.


End file.
